My Love Affair With the Tarot (2017)

In this heartfelt episode, I share the beginnings of my deep connection with the tarot—how it became more than just cards, but a trusted companion for self-discovery and healing. I talk about using tarot like a “therapist in a box,” uncovering insights that go beyond the surface and into the soul. Whether you're new to tarot or a longtime reader, this is a love letter to the transformative power of reading for yourself and others.

✨ Ready to fall in love with the tarot too?

Click play below to hear the story of how it became my favorite tool for healing and self-discovery.
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   So, you'd like to know the truth about the tarot?  Well, there are a couple things you need to realize first before we dig into that:

1. People always use the worth "truth" to mean a universal truth.  When in reality, most truths are personal truths, which only apply to the person having the experience with said "truth". Meaning MY truth and YOUR truth can be two, totally different things.
2. The tarot is older than anyone living at this time.  Something that's been around that long has probably had many uses and many "truths".  So today's truth?  Is not yesterday's truth, and tomorrow's truth may look nothing like today's.  So keep that in mind when you're dealing with something that nobody can agree on, like the tarot.  

Is it good?  Is it bad?

   It's freaking glossy cardboard.  How can you classify a paper product as good or bad?  The only way you can is to say "depends on how you use it".  

   If you take a tarot card, and shape it into a knife and stab someone with it, sure, it's super bad.  But if you're just opening the package, laying them out on the table, and playing around with them?  Who on earth is that hurting?

   If you're a con-artist and you say to someone "I can see everything with these cards!  Just give me $200 and I will tell you it all!"  Then YOU are bad, not the cards.  That's where the misconception lies.  When we lay the blame on the tool instead of the user of the tool, that's where the problems are caused. 

   If I give you a hammer, and you build a homeless person a house, that hammer is amazingly awesome.  But if I give you a hammer and you kill a homeless person with it, then yeah, that hammer kind of sucks.

   BUT is it the hammer's fault?  It's just metal and wood.  Metal and wood cannot jump up and do bad things. 

But, but, there's the devil and death and other bad stuff on in them!

   So what?  Those aren't bad cards.  Those cards (among the 20 others which are called "the major arcana") are archetypes, which are symbols for universal life.  Endings are a part of life (which is what the death card means).  Every single card in the deck is a reflection of universal life.  Every single card can be applied to every single person, and it will make sense.  You can't fear pictures, that's just silly.  And if the pictures are REALLY scary, throw them away and replace them from some other deck with neat pictures you like to look at.

   Simple.


But, don't you have to be psychic to use them?

   Pardon my words here for a second, but only ignorant people think this.  The cards are tools, yes, but for anyone, not for "special" chosen people.  And the cards are no more magical than that hammer you used to build that house above.  Do psychics exist? Of course they do, but not in the way they portray themselves (read "Entangled Minds" by Dean Radin PhD for more info on that).  But, what does that matter in relation to you using them?



   I used to be someone who made predictions with the tarot.  Which, in my opinion, is not what it's really for.  

Let me tell you a story....

   I've been a tarot reader for over 30 years.  I used to believe hardcore in psychic abilities, ghosts, magic, and other junk.  Then one day, I got slapped in the face.

   Granted, it was a metaphorical slap, but still, it kind of hurt.  I grew up my entire life with 2 certainties: I was psychic.  And my house was haunted (hell, I even wrote a book about it).  But then I started to learn about cold readings, and got really discouraged.  And then I wondered if anything I believed was true, so I stopped thinking about ghosts and guess what?  The hauntings stopped.  If I was actually being haunted, then me not thinking about it shouldn't stop it right?  But it did.  And that's when I reallly realized, it just wasn't true.

   This turned my life upside down.  When I learned about cold readings, I realized that was exactly what I was doing in my readings that I was getting paid for.   I was the shyster!  But it wasn't on purpose...but the guilt was eating me alive, so I just put my cards away and didn't touch them again for almost a year.  How could I have been tricking people out of their money and not know it?  

   But the truth was, I wasn't really tricking them.  The only thing I was tricking them about was how I was getting my information.  What I was doing true and real, because the way I read the tarot was never psychic at all.  In the 26 years I read the tarot, I only had a handful of people ever tell me what I said to them didn't apply, and yet not one of them asked for their money back.  So, why did my readings work?

Because of the way I read them.  

   When I read them, I was not like Miss Cleo and told my clients a bunch of BS crap what "may or may not" have been real (most likely, may not).  I  counseled my clients with them, which is what I am best at.  I had clients all over the world (like Mexico, Australia, Europe, etc.) who contacted me on a regular basis to counsel them.  I made sure to tell them I wasn't a licensed counselor, I called myself a spiritual counselor...which I was.  But at my core?  I really did think I had some kind of psychic gift.  And that's why I felt so damn guilty when I finally realized I didn't.  And I felt like my entire life was a complete and total lie.

   But had I known?  Had I known I wasn't psychic and informed my clients that I wasn't?  I could have went on with my tarot practice without guilt.  But I was ignorant.  I didn't realize the truth.  


What is my truth?  


   My truth now?  Is that the tarot is tool for everyone.  And it takes absolutely no psychic ability to read them.  And knowing how to read them is a gift.  Not from god or the universe, but from you.  You give yourself the gift of ability to do something when you work hard and hone your skills.  And the other gift you give yourself and your clients is: honesty.  You don't pretend to be something you're not.  You don't pretend to know things you don't.  The human mind is pretty suggestive, and if you go around suggesting something like, oh I don't know, that someone's husband is cheating on them (as I once did in my early 20's)?  You might ruin a marriage.  Or worse.  

   (note: He WAS cheating on her, but it wasn't for me to be the one to tell her with my tarot...the signs were obvious, but she had to be the one who saw them....as a tarot reader, I could had explored the idea of why she thought he was cheating with her, and let her see it for herself and not tell her myself what was obvious.  It needed to be obvious to her.  He, in turn, used the fact that she heard it from a tarot reader that it "obviously wasn't true" to get her to believe him.  Which she did.  Ethics, my friend, don't use them properly and it could blow up in your face.)   


   Am I telling you to use the tarot for others and run out to become a reader at the local fair tomorrow?  Sure, if you want to.  But, honestly, I think you should wait a second first.  I'd rather you use the tarot for you first.  Learn how to use these gorgeous and amazing tools for your own personal growth before you go read them for others.  But don't learn how to read them from the booklet, that never works.  And other places online will teach you how to read the meanings of the cards in a "psychic" way, which is kind of foolish if you ask me.  And yet other places will tell you silly things such as "wrap your cards in silk to keep out negative energies!"  Where is the scientific basis for that?  What studies have been done?  None, that's how many.  Instead, just follow my instructions below on how to read them for yourself. 

So, in case you haven't heard, Doreen Virtue, aka the Goddess of the Oracle Decks, is putting out a call for every single one of her decks to be destroyed.  I wish I were exaggerating.  Not only that, all of your tarot cards should be destroyed as well.  In a fire.  Because, demons.  Duh.

*sigh*

Well now.  Ain't that a head scratcher?

It's not like she's new to the God scene, either.  Most of her publications (over 50 books, tarot, and oracle card decks) were based on angels, which are a bible-based belief.  Some of her decks depicted mermaids or something else mythological, but most were angels.

But now, apparently, she's found Jesus and she thinks we're all going to hell (or, in her words, "possessed by demons") for using new agey things.

Oh my goodness.

I can't pretend to know what would cause this sort of turnaround of events in her life.  Sometimes it's mental illness, sometimes people find sobriety and lean on religion so they can get through their addictions, and sometimes it's just a natural progression of a thought process.  And sometimes, we replace one obsession with another.

I had a friend who was a "crunchy pagan" back when I used to be a pagan.  She was so much more pagan than I was (which is something that goes on in pagan communities--the comparison of just how "crunchy" or hippy you are).  She dedicated her life to paganism.  She held onto paganism in the way I see born-agains hold onto their faith.  She raised both her kids pagan.  It was totally hardcore. 

But then she found a new boyfriend and converted to being a Christian.  Just.  Like.  That.  Huh??  What happened to my crunchy pagan friend?  Who whole-heartedly believed that our coven leaders embodied the actual god and goddess during a particular Samhain ritual, that left her in tears from the overwhelmingness of it all?  The girl who never missed a drum circle or never once wore underwear to a ritual??  (If you don't know why this is important, you're not "crunchy" enough!)

Now her kids participate in all the churchy stuff and are hardcore Christians when they were used to attending Burning Man with their mother.  Go figure.

One person may say adaptable.  But another (like myself) might see this as a narcissistic splitting, or the "idealization and devaluation" that goes on when a narcissist decides they  no longer value what they once HARDCORE VALUED at one time.  And my old friend?  Is 100% a narcissist with NPD (long story).

Narcissists mainly do this to people (idealization--love bombing, devaluation--ghosting you, etc.), but also to activities, ideals, and obsessions. Something in one moment is "the best thing ever!!" and the next moment (or maybe years later), it's the "dumbest idea ever!" (and the new thing they're into is now the "best thing ever!").  Now, I am not mental illness shaming here.  It's not just narcissism that does this, but also autism (black and white thinking--though this is a lesser degree than an actual personality disorder), borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, among many others. 

But I have absolutely no way of knowing if Doreen Virtue is a narcissist or maybe has aspergers otherwise, but on the outside, she sure looks like she's splitting.  

She is literally swinging from one end of the spectrum with her strong belief in angels to the other end, now, with demons.  

But just because she didn't talk about demons in her work (or that I know of, I honestly can't say I read any of her books, I only owned her oracle and tarot cards), doesn't mean she didn't always believe in them.  Maybe this isn't as big of a leap as I am assuming it is?

But it sure seems to me that a person who has developed over 50 different new age products in her lifetime so far to just not only stop creating them but urge people to burn them??  It feels a bit more than just a leap in faith.  It feels like a betrayal to the people she was marketing her work to.

• I used to be a breastfeeding Nazi, and believed that people who bottle fed their babies were assholes (I even had a website dedicated to shaming mothers who bottle fed! UGGGHH!!). Then I learned (with the help of nutritional education) that both are valid ways to feed a child, as long as the child is fed.  
• I used to believe gmo's were unhealthy and that organic was best.  I then learned (also through nutritional education) that gmo's are harmless and organic is just a buzzword that is intended to rape our wallets.  I also learned that organic food has MORE pesticides on them (because the organic ones--which are still poisonous to drink, btw, do not work as well) and as long as you wash your produce in water (nothing else needed) both traditional and organic pesticides wash away, leaving nothing left on it to hurt you.  
• I used to be scared to death of vaccinating my children (but did it anyways--somewhere deep inside of me, my brain was working) because of my "crunchy" friend above, who never vaxxed her kids (well, until one day, their father wised up and took them to get all updated on their vaccines) who got it into my head that I was hurting my kids by doing it.  Now, after learning how vaccines work and understanding why they are needed, I am still being an asshole because I wholeheartedly believe that not vaxxing your kids is child abuse (not child abuse on purpose, but still child abuse) and a danger to the human population. 
• I used to believe in magic, psychic ability & ESP, ghosts, and all that jazz (like for real, my husband and I met in a ghost hunting group!).  I grew up abused and used that shit as escapism.  I wanted so desperately to believe there was something more than this mundane (and awful) human existence.  I even saw a gnome once as a kid!  I read all sorts of books about fantasy and lived in a fantasy world.  I thought the real world was filled with awful people who just wanted to hurt you.  As an adult, I felt the same way.  I was a popular tarot reader with clients all over the world.  I made some good money, but mostly, I believed in what I did.  I helped people!  But then I had an epiphany, and mind-altering experience (no, I wasn't doing shrooms).  My thoughts were slowly shifting to science (as they had been for a long time) and I realized that everything I was doing was a delusion I created in order to deal with my abuse.  So instead, I worked on healing myself and as I did, my need to escape from reality melted away.  I became an atheist.  At first, I hated being an atheist.  It was fucking depressing.  But now, years later, I shifted my view from thinking science was a cold, dark place to understanding that science is fucking exciting!!  AND that introspection is more important than flights of fancy (although I am still an avid fantasy reader and writer) when it comes to feeling "connected" to the world around me.  My journey has also taken me to understand mental illnesses more and to really get what makes a human tick (how their brains work and why they think the way they do).  It's god damn fascinating!  This has brought me to a greater understanding of humanity and why the adults in my life chose to abuse me as a child (it's better to understand rather than assume).  I don't need to escape my feelings anymore with magical bandaids, I can use tarot as one introspective tool to figure out why I am feeling the way I do.  This clarity led me to finally getting rid of lots of my own metaphysical stuff I'd been holding onto for years (which kind of mimics Doreen's journey in a way, except hers is with religion instead of science).  (You can read my full journey on this here.)

I think the last time I wrote about my tarot decks I said I had around 25.  Now that number has dwindled to around 10.  Crazy, right??

Why?

Well, for once, I have been trying to adopt a more minimalist lifestyle when it comes to my stuff.  Not that I am a minimalist by any means (if you could only see my attic! Haha!)  Rather, I am just trying to purge my excess so I can make room for what nurtures me.

I am an artist, a writer, a seamstress, a life coach, a bullet journaler, knitter/crocheter, clothes designer and upcycler, furniture upcycler, and a tarot reader.  And each of my talents require physical items in order to practice them properly, all of which used to overtake my house.  Before, my life was about excess.  For one, I used to have my own art studio, which was the biggest room in our house and it was filled to the brim with every type of art supply imaginable.  I am not just "an artist", I am a painter (both watercolor and acrylic), a miniaturist, art journaler, book-binder (I create art journals), and I do mixed media.  To top it all off, we moved from a small house to a huge house in 2010, so instead of getting rid of anything, my massive collection of supplies just grew.

Ever since I was a little, my motto was "the more, the better".  So my tarot collection grew out of control as well.  I would buy tarot decks on a whim, and a few years ago my neighbor's sister passed away and she gave me all of her sister's tarot decks, which is where most of my collection came from.  It was overwhelming to say the least.

In 2016, instead of creating New Year's resolutions, I started picking words to represent how I wanted my year to go.  I'd choose a word and then let that word guide me in every single choice I made.  My word that year was "simplicity".  I have a bit of ADHD (can you tell??) but this became the first time I made a plan for my year and stuck with it.

When 2017 came, I kept "simplicity" and added more words.  And since then, I keep the same words from the previous years and add more.  This year I chose the words creation, completion, and exploration.  This means I want to spend the year creating as much as possible, completing it all (and the stuff before it), and exploring new ideas (and keeping a journal of my findings).  But, ever since 2016, I've been on a journey of simplification for every aspect of my life.  For someone with ADHD, this has been a lifesaver.

Then last summer we decided to move (now, this is a long and terrible story, which I talk about here).  But before our "move", we decided that our huge house full of stuff was NOT going to come with us.  So we started to purge everything we owned.  We wanted a fresh start in a new place.  So I sold over half of my decks, and donated thousands of dollars of art supplies to a resale shop nearby.  Little by little, we donated, threw away and sold almost 80% of what we owned.

When we came back to town a month after this mess, we came back with nothing.  Not even a bed to sleep on and hardly any clothes.  We did find someone to rent us an apartment for nothing until we got on our feet, which was amazing (and we went from a 2,000 sqft house, to this 750 sqft apartment).  We lived that way for six months, though eventually my ex-husband gave us a couple beds and some couches, which we were very grateful for.  But during that time of living with nothing, we learned to live with the complete opposite of what we always had lived: from excess to minimalness (which actually was the name of the blog I tried to start before all this mess happened....when it did happen, the blog seemed like a lie, because we weren't choosing to be minimal, we were just coming out of homelessness, so I deleted it LOL).

But before we left, before we chose to even move, I had gotten rid most of my tarot decks.

Why?  

Well, it wasn't just about being more minimal.  I had gone through a metamorphosis with my tarot reading, going from traditional way of reading to the Soul Archaeology way and I found that a majority of these decks just did not fit with the way I read. 

And why keep something if it doesn't nurture you?  

That's the motto I live by now, that encompasses 2016's word "simplicity" with Marie Condo's motto of "Does it bring you joy?".  Tarot decks bring me joy.  Almost all of them do!  So when I tried to purge the in the past, I couldn't get rid of them because they all brought me joy!  But when I ask "Does it nurture me?", that was a different story.  I could not honestly say that my decks all nurtured me since I couldn't even use most of them.

So you can do that with your own items, ask "Does it bring me joy?" first.  If it's a yes, then ask "Does it nurture me?"  An item nurtures you because you can use it.  Tarot decks are pretty to look at and thumb through, but it you can't use them, they why keep them?  Let them bless someone else's life for a bit instead.  If an item is unusable like art, it nurtures you by giving you joy.  I keep clothing for too long because I feel like it brings me joy.  Then I will catch a glimpse of myself wearing it and see that it certainly doesn't nurture me LOL!  So, every so often, I will gather up my clothes, get out my full length mirror, and put on a fashion show for myself.  If I have items that can't be worn with anything else (like the right pants), then it's probably not nurturing me.  And out it goes to the resale shop!

I used to think I "collected" tarot decks.  Now I see that my "collections" are only me not wanting to let go of them for various reasons (I certainly had a hoarding mentality).  Having a lot of something doesn't make you better at it.  It just makes your house cluttered and messy.  That was hard lesson to learn for someone who's been like that her entire life.  And the only way I truly learned it was to almost lose everything I owned.  Learning to live with nothing led me to crave living with less.  

You can be amazing tarot reader (and with SA method, we all have the ability to be amazing at it) with only one deck.  If that deck nurtures the shit out of you?  Then unless you want more decks, there is no need to get any more (but then again, tell me one tarot reader who only has *ONE* deck?? LOL).

And it goes the other way too, you can have a billion decks and still not be very good at it.  This was the case with my neighbor's sister: she loved the idea of tarot reading, but never really got into it, she just collected decks (and wigs, and glasses, and everything else you can think of).  Being a collector makes you a collector (which isn't always a bad thing, it just depends on what you want out of life).  Being good at something you love doesn't mean having to own as many of those tools as possible (although, tell that to my paintbrush collection!! 😜).


Moving from excess to less isn't easy.  Check out the Minimalist's page on their "Packing Party" to learn how to do this in a drastic way (which what finally worked for me and I truly believe is the only way to work on us hoarding "collector" mentality people--not that all collectors are hoarders by any means, but those of us who are, we know who we are 😏 ).  But it can be done.  I am proof.  And if you're anything like me, then just know there IS a way to change.  It just takes some drastic measures LOL





So, are you like me and have a "collector"/hoarder mentality?  Have you ever pared down your house to the basics or gotten rid of a large amount of tarot supplies?  Let me know below how you did it and how it effected you.  

Creating your own sanctuary should be on the bucket list of every human being on earth, as everyone needs a special place to recharge their batteries.  It doesn't matter if you're rich or poor, all the needed supplies are easily within your reach (more on that below).  And when you're practicing the Soul Archaeology way of reading the tarot, you'll find that having a special place to dig into your feelings is not only desired, but needed.

Do you really want to pull a card and have your phone ringing, the TV on, the dogs barking, the kids yelling, or someone knocking on your door (all within hearing distance?).  Granted, you'll still have noises in your sanctuary, but hopefully they will be ones of peace and relaxation.  That's what your sanctuary is for: finding a space for introspection without distractions.

Now, not every single time you read your cards will you have absolutely no distractions.  They are a part of life (especially if you don't live alone, have pets, or kids).  But, you can create the time to create and visit your sanctuary at certain times of the week (or month) which can be a part of your self-care rituals.  If you don't have any self-care rituals, then it's time to start some 😉!

The Essentials of Creating a Tarot Sanctuary

When you think of the word "sanctuary", what comes to mind?

Most of us will answer with words like "serene" or "peaceful", right?  Pick a few words that you want your space to embody and keep those in mind when choosing your décor and items to go into it.  You could even pick a special word and create a piece of artwork that either embodies that word or just paint the word in a pretty way on a canvas or a piece of wood to hang in your space.

After you've chosen your word(s), then it's time to do some choosing:

• Where will your space be? Outside?  Inside?  In an entire room or a part of a room?  Perhaps in a basement or attic?  Or maybe in your garage?  You could also go get a shed from a home improvement store to convert into a she-shed (or a he-shed) that's dedicated to tarot, yoga, or whatever else spiritual you have going on in your life.  
• How will you decorate it?  Do you want a specific style?  Like bohemian, coastal/beachy, farmhouse, shabby chic or perhaps some sort of ethnicity like Japanese, Indian, or Moroccan?  Or maybe even something simple like minimalist?  Go through decorating styles online and see what speaks to you.  
• What do you want to feel in your space?  Obviously you want to feel relaxed and ready to do some introspection, but in order to feel this way, think of the different ways your environment effects you: touch, smell, sound, and sight.  Think of textures in the furniture you pick, the pillows, your chairs, curtains, or other fabrics and the such.  Pick ones that make you feel calm and cuddly.  Same goes for smell: don't pick candles with overwhelming scents with very perfumey smells.  Instead go for light scents that make you blissful when smelling them.  Then think of the sounds that you love.  Do you love chimes?  Include some (and if you're inside, a fan to blow them around).  Do you like birds?  Or ocean sounds?  Or rain?  Or maybe a crackling fireplace?  Pick CD's or YouTube channels to listen to that calm you in your space.  Then make sure your décor is producing the feeling that you want with matching items.  Go look on Pinterest for ideas.  My stuff is always bought used, so don't think you have to spend a good amount of money on these things.  Resale shoppes are the best to find amazing décor at affordable prices.  

• Threshold.  You need to separate this space from the mundane by letting anyone knows who enters it (even if it's just you) that you're entering sacred space.  
• Art.  Find pieces that reflect what you're wanting to feel in your space.  They can be indoor or outdoor art.  Mandalas are a popular pick for some of the art in a sacred space.  You can print some out or make your own. 
• Lighting.  They can be garden lights or candles or even a desk lamp.  Whatever makes you feel homey.  Think hygge when you think lighting.
• Prayer flags.  These are pieces of cloth created with scared symbols or pictures on them. You could use cloth napkins and imbue them with your sacred words you picked earlier.  Or create sigils on them to represent your intentions.  
• Stones (or other natural elements like shells, etc.).  Bringing the natural world into your environment is a great way to feel connected to the earth. 
• Statues.  I have lots of Buddha statues in my home, but you can pick statues of anything that represents who you are and what you believe or love.
• Fountains.  Either outdoor or indoor, both are soothing (unless you have to pee! haha!) to the soul and help focus.  
• Altar.  If you are person who craves ritual, altars are a great way to feel connected to your space and to see it as sacred.  There are many types of altars out there, just go do some research to figure out what kind you'd like in your space. 
• Cushions (or other seating options).  Think of your comfort here.  What would make you feel most comfortable?  I love hammocks!  Or hammock chairs.  Anything suspended to rock me in the breeze. 
• Radio (or phone or tablet or computer, etc.).  Anything to play the music or sounds that you'd like to hear.  Bring headphones if your space isn't quiet enough for you.
• Table. You need a place to put your tarot cards, right?  Pick something awesome!  Or if you can't find something awesome, cover up something alright with something awesome! (I love using those woodgrain poster boards to cover my table with!) Use whatever you have, but make it yours.   

Whatever or wherever your space ends up being, just make sure to make it especially yours.  When you read tarot the Soul Archaeology way, your job is to be as introspective as possible.  And when you have a space that sustains and nourishes your soul, you're already halfway there.  AND you can use the space even when you're not reading the tarot to unwind and connect!  It's a win-win!

Oh, and also don't forget the yummy snacks that are *JUST FOR YOU* to stash away in your sanctuary!  *hee hee*

Here are some great sites that talk about creating your own sanctuary:

Some believe you have to belong to something in order to be worth something.

Like say, a tarot association.  That some how paying money to say you belong to something makes you more credible.  When in actuality, it just means you have some money to spend.