1. I want to build my own community, and
2. I want to build a course on community building as a whole

Well, geezus, that card is freaky, isn't it?  Wow.  Well, um.  Oh yes, I see.  Trauma.  Connect through trauma.  That's something I am good at.  I run a few blogs on maternal narcissism, as well as a life coaching blog, so trauma is something I talk about, a lot.  One of my ideas was to center my circles around healing from trauma, though I am not a therapist, so I am not sure just how qualified I am for that.  But if it's specific trauma, such as parental narcissism (and all that goes along with it), that would really work.  Granted, in those groups, you get a lot of narcissists, too, but if I said it was Buddhist centered, I may be able to weed out those weenies.  But then again, narcs love to join support groups (and even run them, as in the anxiety support group my hubby and I were in for four years), so I guess there is no way around it.  But I really do want narcissism to be at the forefront of our learning, as a group, to teach people how to quickly identify narcissists so they can better protect themselves from it. But to create a Buddhist-centered healing circle for adult children of narcissists, it may just work.  I really like that idea.  

Card Three-Give: What can I give to my people?  What do I bring to the table?

The Star

Ooh, I like this card.  The first word that comes to mind is "hope".  And "dreams".  Also "wishes come true".  I hope that's true.  I want to dedicate my life to helping people heal from parental narcissistic abuse through my writing and words.  I've written almost five memoirs on this subject, with more in the works.  So it just makes sense to create a community around healing from this as well.  And I don't promise to have all the answers, but I do promise to do what I can to help those who need it.  Not by giving too much of myself, but by giving people the tools to help them help themselves.  I have such imposter syndrome, which stops me from doing, or even starting, these things, but I know I do I have actual gifts to offer others on the road to healing.  And I can use that to help myself and those around me to lead more harmonious lives.  

Card Four-Receive: What do I receive from my people? Where do I need to lean on my friends and community for support?

This one is a hard one to put in this position.  Every single group I've run, there has been at least one person who either wants to take over, or treat me like shit behind closed doors, so when I kick them out, everyone is upset about it.  But sharing that kind of stuff with the group means trying to turn everyone against that someone, and I don't want to do that either.  But I think this card addresses something completely different.  Or maybe a couple of something differents.  

One being my need for solitude.  I need time to blog, to write, to make art, to watch my shows, and I do not have time to be spending it on every single person I am friends/acquaintances with.  Been there, done that.  I've let toxic people suck up all my time, only to be abandoned when I need support.  And since becoming an introvert (as a young girl and young woman, I thought I was an extrovert...turns out, I was just addicted to drama), I realize that I really hate socializing.  I bet you're thinking "Why does someone who hates socializing want to start a community?"  But the thing is, I don't hate socializing, I hate surface socializing.  I hate gossip.  I hate being in the middle of bullshit.  And my community rules will be #1: no gossip (it's a Buddhist-centered place, remember?).  So I like socializing with the right people in the right way.  Like, connecting over interesting things, rather than just drama or gossip, like most people do.  

The other something different is the idea of "ghosting".  I think addressing when someone feels angry or hurt in the group, rather than letting them hide and then, later pretending like nothing is wrong, is the right way to go.  Yes, take some space to understand how you feel, but then talk about it.  You can't ignore hurt and anger, because if you do, it will only come back harder later.  So I think when it asks "Where do I need to lean on them for support?" means creating a group of people that feel like family, so much so, that you don't fear being vulnerable with them.  Look at the picture.  He's got a knife and he's hiding and he's just waiting for an attack.  That's how I've always lived my life (sans knife) with my friends.  If I am hurt, I know I can't bring it up or else they will hurt me more.  It's happened too many times to count.  So my whole schtick on community is being a "true safe haven" (instead of a fake safe haven that others have promoted) so that you become a safe space for others to be vulnerable, and they for you.  So whenever someone comes at me "You hurt me!"  I will be completely calm and say "Okay, I am happy you felt safe enough to say that to me.  Let's talk about it."  And I truly hear them and take what they say as how they feel, rather than an attack on me.  Granted, I don't always do this with my family, since I am with them every single day, but I try.  But with everyone else, that's how I react.  I am hoping that by modeling the behavior I wish to see in the world that it will catch on.  So maybe that's what this card really means to me.  That I need to trust that others will follow suit and become a safe haven for me, as well.  I do not trust people, but I do understand human nature enough to know that we all make mistakes and we can do better if we're giving the chance.  So I need to give others that chance.  And myself that chance, too.  

Card Five-Enjoy: Something to celebrate with my people. An activity or experience to share together.

I think that maybe after creating enough healing circles (or just one good one), and we find our tribe, we could together come up with the idea of the community.  Granted, I am not buying land together with other people, as my family will own the land and the other people will rent (or pay in some other way, like working in the community itself) from us.  Sounds douchey, but this is my vision, and if that vision is disrupted by the wrong person, if they own a piece of the land, we cannot evict.  And that is not going to work.  It's a safety measure for everyone involved, even though it doesn't sound like it.  But anyways, my point is, that this card could mean enjoying all the new ideas our group members can come up with together.  We can celebrate the planning process, as well as assigning community jobs (not set in stone, but ideas), and coming up with ideas for spaces, and outreach in the larger community, and everything else.  We can, together, create our own little utopia (though I'm not crazy enough to believe it will always be a utopia) on this earth.  Even if  it's just for a period of time (like I said, most groups have a two year lifespan before fizzling out or imploding--though, also like I said, I hope to combat that with my new ideas).  Again, community living is an experiment.  And that's all we'll see it as.  It may last forever.  But it also may not work at all.  But it's something to try.  And hopefully me and my family can find the right set of people in the world to try it with.  

The original post suggests drawing another card to talk about boundaries, but we've already covered that with this one.  Yay!  I really love this reading AND I really love the website as a whole.  Evvie really has some great tarot spreads on her site, so get yourself over there and find some to read for yourself!!  Again, her website is Interrobang Tarot!