Strangest. Reading. Ever.

by - April 05, 2019

Once upon a time, I was desperate to grow my tarot business, so I decided to call a local business that was offering $10 tarot readings to see if I could get hired as a reader.

She was odd.  The woman had a strong Romanian/Russian accent and there was lots of coughing the background.  LOTS.

She said "Sure, c'mon in and do a sample reading on us and we'll see if you're right for our team!" 

Just kidding.  It *SHOULD* had went like that, but instead, it was more like "Yeah, *cough cough* come on in and give me a reading." 

Even though I should had been tipped off by the unprofessional nature of the woman I was talking to on the phone, I was instead excited!  Yay!  I was going to read for a real tarot shoppe!

Little did I know what was going to be walking into......

So the day came where I'd visit the woman I called to see if I could actually do tarot for a living in a real brick and mortar store.  I was nervous, but mostly excited.  I gathered up my cards, put them in my purse and we headed out.  My kids came with.  We were all excited.  I'd been reading for twenty years by then, so this was the next logical step, right?


So, we pulled up, and I got out of the car, more nervous than ever.  My husband and kids waved goodbye, as they were heading out to a store somewhere together.  The kids were excited to be going somewhere with their dad.

I have a severe anxiety disorder, so when I can do things on my own, it's very liberating.  At that time in my life, I was doing so much better than other times, so I didn't mind him driving away and leaving me there to enter this place and meeting my possibly new employer alone.  I was strong, independent, and.....well, very much an idiot.

I opened the door and I thought I would have been walking into an actual tarot shoppe with some awesome décor.  Instead, I walked into what looked like some homeless person's living room.  Not to mention the thick cigarette smoke that invaded my nostrils and apparently had coated the walls with its yellow stains.  I had quit smoking almost ten years prior and also have an allergy to smoke, so it was quite nauseating and uncomfortable from the get go.

Then this woman walks up to me.  And I shit you was the man from Stephen King's "Thinner" movie walking up to put a curse on me (I do think she actually did put a curse on me, though she must have muttered "fatter" when she shook my hand).  Her thick Romanian/Russian accent and the look of a scary old woman who put curses on people made me wonder if she was putting on an act or she was for real.

She shook my hand and sat me at a table and told me to read for her.  So I did.  I was nervous as hell and just wanted to leave.  But then I heard this horrible tuberculosis style coughing coming from a smoking young woman running around in a pajama top in the back and her underwear and I thought "Holy shit, I *DO NOT* want to work *HERE*!"  All I could think to do was to beg my husband telepathically to come back for me early because I didn't want to catch whatever she was coughing out and the smell of the place was about ready to knock me out or send me into my own coughing fit.  And the old woman was creepy, so very, very creepy that I was actually scared I was going to be abducted and sold into some sort of housecleaning slavery or possibly just be locked up in her basement before I left.  Not because she was old or Romanian or Russian or something, but because she was scraggly and smelled funny and her store looked like a front for drugs sold by homeless people.

I sound very judgmental, I know that.  I am sorry.  But if you were me and you were in that place, you'd have wondered the same crap I did.  Because it was not a store.  It was a dark, dank, smelly room with some back rooms where they slept (which is illegal where I live unless it's zoned as residential, which it's not).  There were blankets on the floor and ashtrays loaded with zillions of cigarettes next to them.  It was probably the most freaked out I'd ever been going somewhere by myself in my life.

So apparently I am not telepathic, because my husband took his sweet-ass time getting back, leaving me to wonder if I would be there when he did.  I imagined him walking in to the store, she'd say "We're closed!"  He'd ask where I was.  She'd reply "Oh her?  She left a long time ago. I thought she left with you.  You leave now!"

But alas, I was not the right type for whatever they were selling, because she told me I was bad at tarot reading and she wouldn't hire me.  So I told her go stuff herself where the sun don't shine with her scary store and asthmatic smoking women in the back (there ended up being more than one, and both where pantsless....where were their pants???....were they required to work without pants???).  Just kidding, I just said "Oh thank you, bye!" and ran out of the store to wait for my husband outside.

He finally came and I still smelled like I'd been smoking an entire pack of cigarettes while I was there, and I jumped into the car and told him to step on it to get me home asap.  Home we went and a few weeks later, the store had closed down (had it ever been there at all??.....just had, unfortunately) due to them being arrested for robbery, con-artistry (whatever that charge is actually called) and other things.  So I wasn't all that off in my fear of them. Turns out, they were criminals.  Just not maybe the kind that abducted adults to make them cleaning-slaves (though they needed one...yuck!!).

The moral of this story is to NEVER GO PLACES ALONE.  I don't care if you know karate or street fighting, always bring a friend to a client's home or place of work (unless you know the client well).  You never know when you'll be cursed in a situation that's odd or strange or uncomfortable.  And that is not an environment that's conducive to helping a client with your tarot deck.  Tarot readings are supposed to be laid back, comfortable and fun.  Not holding your breath because you're too afraid to breath in fear of getting some sort of communicable disease or being scared the cockroaches will eat your face while you're sitting there (it was seriously dark enough for roaches that I knew had to be living with these people to be out and about...ick!).

Reading spaces should be well-lit, happy, and SAFE.  So always protect yourself by bringing someone with you.   ALWAYS.  Don't be an idiot like me and hang out for an afternoon with a room full of criminals who don't wear any pants.  It's not as fun as it sounds 😜!

Have a strange story to share about a time you tried to read for someone??  Share it below!

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