Happy 2021 Samhain!  It's been a crazy couple of years for our family.  Not just for the pandemic, though that is/was definitely enough.  But in 2018 my family started down a road that has led us to some amazing, and not-so-amazing places.  And it all started with becoming homeless.  The road back to normality has been a tough one, especially during the pandemic, but we're getting there, and somehow, faster than we ever have before.  

So every single year, we try to shed more and more of that experience, and instead, we're concentrating on our future.  Something that may come sooner as opposed to later, which is kind of scary, because are not prepared yet.  But then again, since when does life fit our humanly made up timetables?  

So it's been a gorgeous fall this year, and even though I am not in the Halloween mood (dressing up, handing out candy, etc.), I am very much in the Samhain moon.  As an Buddhist atheist from a pagan background, we still celebrate Samhain, as both the new year (to cast away the old and bring in the new) and to honor our deceased loved ones.  I'll be burning a bunch of stuff today, as it's a traditionally a fire festival, and while I do, I'll cast in all the crap I want to leave behind (written on paper).  Also, we'll be doing some meditations tonight, and pulling some tarot cards for the new year.  Though right now, I'm going to start my day off by doing a Samhain Spread, to see what I should be casting off and leaving behind, as well as harvesting and whatnot.  This spread is based one by Emerald Lotus (click the link to visit them!), so thank you to them for today's inspiration.  I changed one of the questions, because it didn't apply to me and changed it to something that did apply to my life, instead.  

Also today, we're going to have a feast with party food, even though it'll just be our family with hot dogs, brats, homemade mac-n-cheese, chips and dip, jelly/cheese/crackers, pumpkin rolls, pumpkin juice (which is apple cider and canned pumpkin, and spices) etc.  Oh and lots of fun Halloween music!  

But let's get on with the tarot reading and see what we find out, shall we?  I'll also include a link below to the music I'm listening to as well.  

Samhain Spread

Light Seer's Tarot

Card 1: Something I should harvest. (Knight of Wands)

Card 2: How to prepare for the coming year. (3 of Pentacles)

Card 3: What should I leave behind? (9 of Cups)

Card 4: How should I honor my ancestors? (3 of Cups)

Position One: Something I should harvest.  The first thing I see in this card is fire, which represents burning away the old and in with the new, which is what today is partially about.  The Knight of Wands means "fire on fire", which is what I call a "power card".  Pages are air, Knights are fire, Queens are water, and Kings are earth.  Swords are air, so the Page of Swords is "air on air".  Wands are fire so the Knight of Wands is "fire on fire".  Cups are water, so the Queen of Cups is "water on water".  And pentacles are earth, so the King of Pentacles is "earth on earth".  Those are the "power cards", which takes the element and doubles it, giving it a fiercer, more powerful meaning than the mixture of elements, as the rest of the court cards are.  Fire means passion, so this card is full of passion.  So what this card is telling me is that I need to harvest my passion again.  

See, after 2018, I really lost my passion for my art and creative side.  We lost everything we owned and lived without replacing it for almost a year.  It was hard.  And then in 2020, I lost my passions all over again, as we moved in to be caretakers for my mother, which was financially needed for both of us, but mentally and emotionally?  Not so great for me and my hubby and kids.  My mother is abusive and while she's gotten better since 2020 due to her declining cognition (she has dementia), it's still an emotional and mental rollercoaster.  But I do feel most alive and happy when I am doing something artistic.  

I have a whole slew of paintings I keep writing down ideas for, but I never pick up my brush and paint.  I've made one painting since coming here and that was back when we first moved in.  But my passion isn't just painting.  It's writing, too.  And while I am always blogging (I have several blogs), I've been working on a series of memoirs since moving in here, and I even wrote so much that I finished four full-length memoirs in a year!  But I want to make sure I hit Amazon's algorithm, so I want to have at least six done before releasing them.  And that's where my passion has truly laid this past year and half.  My memoirs are very important to me, and while I love tarot reading and painting and building stuff, writing these have been healing and been a huge purge of all the muck in my soul.  Getting out on paper (computer screen) means I don't have to carry with me as much anymore.  

But this card doesn't just mean "my one passion".  It means all of them.  It's a power card, remember?  It's the most powerful card in the deck when it comes to passion.  So it's not telling me to "just concentrate on writing", it's telling me to harvest it all.  It's telling me that it's time to take my power back, to take my passions back, and immerse myself in them.  The dark half of the year is coming.  There's a power in darkness.  Darkness is not only about resting, but also about preparing.  If I want to prepare for my family's future (which is an issue right now, as my mother's health is declining faster than expected, and she may end up in a home sooner than we hoped), then I need to dig deep into my passions and cultivate something powerful.  

In this card, she is drumming, which is how you work up your power in order to send it out into the universe.  You start small, and build up momentum, until your power bursts into creation.  And this card is all about creating the most power you possibly can.  

So that's what I need to harvest: power through passion, so I can build financial stability for me and my family.  My husband can't be the only one who does that.  It shouldn't all fall on him, he's only one person.  So now it's my turn to help him.  Sometimes think I am weak and helpless, but it's times like these I remember just how powerful I really am.  

I should start getting my memoirs ready for publication.  I think it's time to harvest all that energy I put into writing them.  

Position Two:  Threes are always great cards to get.  It indicates cooperation and connectedness.  And this particular one shows working hard in cooperation with others.  It could be learning to do something with other people (like building my storage shed I want to make), but it also means putting all your power into whatever it is you're working on, rather than half-assing it or losing interest.  I have issues with committing to things, but I've gotten so much better with that, so now, like I said, I actually finished FOUR entire books in a year.  If that's not commitment then I don't know what is.  Seeing something through to the end.  I keep thinking I'm failing because I took a break from writing, but I only took a break from my 5th and 6th books.  I tend to forget I already finished four.  

The Three of Pentacles usually shows you not only working with others, but everyone is happy about it.  So the message is also to remember to enjoy yourself while doing so.  

I am starting a semi-fantastical clothing line that will be in my Etsy shop.  The entire store will have a backstory, which will be on my website, along with maps of the fantasy land where the store will be "located".  My son is going to help me design clothes, and maybe even learn to sew.  I am setting up the entire thing my basement, which needs to be cleaned out so we can have room to do these things.  I am also a photographer, and will be taking pictures of models in our clothes, and the website will have backstories for them, too.  I am writer, photographer, seamstress, artist, and creator, and this store will encompass everything I do, which really excites me.  Though I know it will be hard work, but I also know it will be worth it.  This is yet another income stream in which I hope to use to plan for my family's future.  So, how to prepare for the upcoming  new year?  (As Samhain is the "witch's new year")  I shall make sure to my basement in working order and get to work with my son creating fashions for awesome people <3  

Position Three:  The Rolling Stones are singing here: "I can't get no....satisfaction!"  I think this card is telling me to give up the idea of never being satisfied.  And to not get too comfortable with satisfaction, too.  Don't get complacent.  I know all too well how the ups and downs of life feel.  To have something great, only to have it ripped away.  Too many times to count.  Like I said, I am atheist, but I am also Buddhist.  And in Buddhism, you learn that the rollercoaster of life is inevitable, and will never, ever stop.  But you have to learn to live in the middle.  To be able to adapt to the rolling highs and lows and not live in either one.  Otherwise, you'll be going along for the ride.  Buddhism is called "The Middle Way" for a reason.  

So to me?  This card in this position means to cast away the idea of security and safety (with money, etc.) and instead, be resilient.  Find your way through life by walking the path of the prepared, instead.  After 2018, we ONLY survived and came out on top because one single person gave us an opportunity to do so.  If that person hadn't offered us a place to live?  I have no idea where we'd be right now.  Like for real, I really have no idea what would have happened to our family.  Or how we would have made money or gotten work or anything at all.  The only reason our family is intact is because of that one person.  Who wants to live like that?  Who wants to say "Well, my life is hanging on by a string but at least there is one person who can help us."  What if that one person can't?  You can't depend on others all the time.  So you have to learn to depend on yourself and your immediate family.  

Right now, if my mother goes into a home, we may be right back in that spot again.  So that's on my mind in this reading.  So the question asks, what do I need to leave behind?  And it's clear.  Leave behind the idea that things need to go right in order to be safe and happy.  And instead, find safety and happiness within yourself.  This is why I am on a mission to purging all the things I own that I don't need.  If I become homeless again, where will it all go?  Do I want to mourn the loss of my items all over again?  And do I want to have to move all this stuff again?  Ugh.  I don't.  It's too much.  I want to learn to live with less stuff and have more skills, money, and life experiences (that we can spend said money on).  I want to be free of thinking "stuff" equals security.  I think I learned that as a child.  That the more stuff in my room, the less room there was for bad stuff to happen to me.  I mean, bad stuff still happened to me on an almost daily basis anyways, but at least I had my stuff to make me happy.  So I carried that into adulthood.  I learned to equate "stuff" with "happiness" and satisfaction.  But it's just not.  It's just stuff.  And that's part of what's in my basement that's keeping me from putting together my clothing store.  And it's also in my room, making it impossible to enjoy a clutter-free lifestyle.  

So I think I just made a mental breakthrough here.  Wow.  I never realized I equated my ever-expanding amount of "things" (mostly books) with safety and happiness.  This is why Marie Kondo doesn't work for me.  What if everything brings you joy?  Because you are afraid that there will be no joy without it?  I mean, look at the card, for fork's sake...it's a woman throwing all her shit into the wind LMAO!  She's screaming in joy "I'm free!  I'm free!"  I want to be that woman.  Let all that shit go.  

Deep.  But that's why I read this way.  I don't believe in prediction and instead use tarot for deep introspection, because that's where the magic happens.  

Position Four: I think I'm going to paint this with a little bit more of a broader paintbrush and say this question means in my life, not just on Samhain (pronounced "sow-en", by the way).  And I see three woman, honoring and supporting each other, but in my life, I've never had a woman support me.  Not truly.  And until my husband, I've never felt truly supported, ever (other than with my kids).  I know many of my ancestors, and I do not believe they supported each other, either.  And I know it's because they didn't know how.  

My other project I am working on is building a truly healing and supportive community to be my tribe.  Granted, I am scared to death, because I know just how awful people can be.  But first, I need to work on this with my family.  I need to be a safe and loving space for my family, so they can learn to do the same for themselves and others, too.  And from there, we can branch out to others, and build a tribe four ourselves.  I can honor my ancestors by doing what they couldn't do.  And to not let their legacy keep me in the same pattern of bullshit as they lived.  

I can honor them by breaking cycles of abuse, loneliness, sadness, depression, and pain.  All of my dead family members lived in pain until they died.  ALL OF THEM.   Well, the ones with dementia maybe forgot some of it?  But still.  You know what I mean.  I have learned a better way of living in the world and a better way of dealing with things, so that's how I will honor their memories.  By not carrying down the pain they couldn't get rid of.  So maybe my kids will help do the same with their own kids.  That's part of my purge (as are my memoirs-purging all the crap into a book LOL).  

So, I think that's a great Samhain reading.  I think I have a new and reenergized way to treat the upcoming year and I am ready for some feasting!!  Time to go bake some pumpkin rolls!!